No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
