Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize