u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
