Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
