I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
