we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
