I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
