You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize