I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
