Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
