I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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