I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
