Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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