4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
