you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
