I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
