Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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