Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
