I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
