im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
