1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
