very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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