Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
