he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
