his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
