He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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