What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
