i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
