his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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