Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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