We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
