just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
