I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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