Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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