Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
