I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
