i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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