someone owes me an orgasm
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
