we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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