I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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