You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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