Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
