If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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