sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
