I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
P.S. I can't hear my feet
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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