I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
