Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.