I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..