Apparently you make a good broom.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?