we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
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I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
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Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was