I didn't shave. On purpose
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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