His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
