I am puke
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?