Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters