All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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