Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's shark week go big or go home
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
