I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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