Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
