Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
