that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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