make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
