Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
