WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
