new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
