my mouth tastes like poor choices
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
