I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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