Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
