the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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