He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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