Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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