Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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