i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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