hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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