three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
