I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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