The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
