I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
