theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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