Don't you send me to vm
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
