I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
