her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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