Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
