That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
