Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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