So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
