I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
