saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
